When Parent Involvement Is Not Optional

I use this term because it is unique from the traditional process for struggling teenagers to receive housing assistance. These are troubled children who have enough problems that they need a residential experience where they are not used to their parents or other people around them. To be successful with these children, residential programs must have a skilled staff that works 24 hours a day. 

Traditionally, when a parent had an "acting out" child, the usual procedure was to go to a professional for help. Parents can go to the doctor, hope the doctor can find a place or therapist that will help, or go to state social services and hope the problem is serious enough that the state will place the child appropriately. 

Or, if the child has done something illegal, the parent may even report the child in hopes that the court system and juvenile justice can get him the help he needs. In this traditional process, professionals were the decision makers and parents were mostly passive bystanders in both an appropriate environment and treatment. The model these professionals had was parental problems and professional solutions.

Although society has come a long way since those days, I still sometimes see this old-fashioned attitude of some professionals, who tell parents by their actions and sometimes by their words - "You have spoiled your child. Bring him to us, we are bored." Don't, we'll fix the baby."

Parenting is optional with this approach and philosophy. Of course, many professionals who work with children in foster care try to include parents in the intervention. Yet, while everyone knows that parents involved in these types of programs are optional, powerless, and can be removed from the intervention at any time, some professionals feel they are being harassed. The only antidote to this feeling of powerlessness is parental authority, parents who have the real responsibility and power to make decisions about their children.

All the research I've read has concluded that the most important factor in a child's education, treatment, or even growth is parental involvement. The Internet is full of tips and ideas for professionals on how to get parents more involved in both their children's school and their treatment. The problem is that most of these efforts are attempts by parents to do what the professionals want, the way the professionals want. 

The net result is that parents are still relatively powerless with limited responsibilities, and they often act accordingly - with lukewarm involvement. Not only do parents in these situations sometimes feel powerless and thus show little interest, but they also sometimes have a sense of entitlement – meaning they feel they can't do anything on their own. The service is valuable.

An example that comes to mind is a situation I witnessed when a public school district needed money for playground equipment for children and asked a school parent group to help. A pepper feed was put together and financially successful, raising enough money for equipment. That was great, but the parents I saw were parents of doctors, lawyers, contractors, and many other successful careers.

No doubt those successful parents had more to offer the school system and students than simple duties as low-order cooks, waiters, and waitresses! However, local teachers may allow parents to be actively involved during this time. In short, parental involvement was limited and structured to control. Most publicly funded programs for troubled adolescents have a similar dynamic. Parents, knowing they have little or no say, fall into the mindset of expecting professionals to "fix" their children and have little or no say in their own parenting. No relation.

The dynamics differ greatly when it is the parent's responsibility to select both the service and the child's treatment or education. When parents see that they have a say and responsibility in these situations, most parents will rise to the occasion and take more responsibility for their child's success. 

And if the parent is not ready to commit, it is the program's responsibility to help educate the parent about how to work with the program and the benefits of this parent involvement parent. And tell the benefits to both the children. At least that's what the schools and programs in my network get. Of course, some parents won't or can't participate, but that's no excuse to exclude all parents and nullify the positive impact of those parents being actively involved.

These schools and programs have found the best way to engage parents is to begin exercising parents an important say in choosing a school or program for their child. Parents can choose the program they want their child to be in, and if they are disappointed with the staff's performance, they have the power and responsibility to change their minds and find a different placement for their child. 

Although there are exceptions, most of the time parents make good decisions, especially when they take advantage of professional help such as hiring a skilled professionally trained, and experienced independent education consultant or program that takes on the task of educating parents about what they can do. Help their child work with the program. What sets all of these positives apart is the parent's ability to take care of their child without needing to seek permission from a professional or let the situation worsen until the state needs to step in.

Another thing that many of these schools and programs do is welcome parents as part of the solution by hosting parent-child workshops in the program, and some even put parents in a parallel program. So that they can feel like their own child. This level of involvement encourages greater parent commitment to their child's treatment and education and allows parents to better understand and work with their child both in the program and when he or she arrives home. prepares for By facilitating the sharing of parent and child experiences, the parent-child bond is enhanced.

Many treatments are based on working with the child as part of the family system. It is not only in line with the parent's preference but is a natural extension of it. When parent involvement at any level of intervention or education is successful, families are stronger, children are healthier or more mature, and parenting becomes a richer experience, meant to.

This can be accomplished only when parents accept their child as full partners in his or her treatment and education. The only effective way to accomplish this is to actively help parents take responsibility for some of the program's experiences.

Thus, parental choice is not just a useless slogan or just a strategy, but a breakthrough in successful treatment and education for a troubled child. These lessons learned are helpful not only for "troubled" children but for every child to grow into a healthy and functioning adult. The first step for parents is to take responsibility for their child's placement by choosing where the child will be placed. It is a natural and effective continuation of this attitude by professionals who acknowledge parents as partners in the school or program experience.

Public projects and schools can track down ways of copying this parental decision outlook with regard to public projects whenever the situation allows.

CONCLUSION

These schools and programs have found the best way to engage parents is to begin exercising parents an important say in choosing a school or program for their child. Parents can choose the program they want their child to be in, and if they are disappointed with the staff's performance, they have the power and responsibility to change their minds and find a different placement for their child. So that they can feel like their own child. 

This level of involvement encourages greater parent commitment to their child's treatment and education and allows parents to better understand and work with their child both in the program and when he or she arrives home. It is not only in line with the parent's preference but is a natural extension of it. This can be accomplished only when parents accept their child as full partners in his or her treatment and education. 

The only effective way to accomplish this is to actively help parents take responsibility for some of the program's experiences. These lessons learned are helpful not only for "troubled" children but for every child to grow into a healthy and functioning adult.